Awash in a sea of chocolate…and smoke..

So I spent my Sunday painting my bedroom by myself.  I have turned my hideous country blue into a “dark chocolate love cave” as my husband puts it.  I felt like I was painting chocolate milk on my walls.  Yoohoo.  At least now when I am sipping chocolate milk in my bedroom, and my husband makes me laugh, I can snort it out my nose with very little cleanup!  And it only took me four years!  Now onto the other 9 rooms…

I finally broke down and visited our lovely casino.  Used to be ‘Indian Bingo” and now it’s an official Casino.  I’m always shocked at the fullness of the parking lot, even at odd times, like Thursday mornings (?).  I lived in lovely Las Vegas for almost three years, so imagine my suprise at what I found inside!  I must preface by saying they are doing these beautiful large additions to the outside, with all kinds of natural stone and interesting angles, and a large 10-story hotel.  However, the inside was disgusting.  Cheap carpet and so smoky it looked like they were pumping it in for effect.  The best part was that, after trudging through all that smoke with our hands over our mouths, we come upon glass doors announcing - “TA-DA!” - the NON smoking room!  too bad you have to get emphysema before you get there….

In Las Vegas, everyone is laughing and having fun and its one big party.  In West Siloam Springs,  Oklahoma,  no one is smiling.  everyone needs botox and nicorette.  and they stare at you with sunken eyes and frowns as you walk by them, like the undead that are using the rent money to try to double it.  very sad.

even more sad - someone that just TWO HOURS before had asked me how they could get the donated school supplies from the Manna Center were there at the casino.  i didn’t let them see me, because i don’t think i could have hidden that look of disappointment and judgement on my face.  but wow. poor kids.

Teach your children well,
Their father’s hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you’ll know by.

That song just popped into my head.  Interesting.  more to come….

Movie List, Cuz Trish Told Me To

1. Pulp Fiction (1994) — LOVED LOVED LOVED IT -  for so many reasons….

2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03) — Loved all three!  Love anything where the small band of good people triumph over the large group of evil people. 

3. Titanic (1997) — HATED it - I have no appreciation for a movie representing a true story that has no historical truth to it at all.  (except yes, the ship sank and the people drowned).

4. Blue Velvet (1986)  Never saw it

*okay this is where i need to input that i really have a hard time sitting down for more than 15 minutes, so I don’t see a lot of movies.  I much prefer to get lost in a book than a movie.*

5. Toy Story(1995) — I did not like this movie because I cried when the toys thought they were no longer being played with anymore.  Darn disney.

6. Saving Private Ryan (1998 ) — Loved this movie, saw it in the theatre and you could FEEL the bullets whizzing by you.  Gave me a new respect for our veterans. 

7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986) — again, never saw it.

8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) — I hate horror movies, but i LOVED this movie.  Wanted to be an FBI agent after seeing this.

9. Die Hard (1988 ) I guess this first one was interesting, not one to purchase or see again.

10. Moulin Rouge (2001) — Loved it!!  Loved the music, the hilarious storyline, the quirky dance routines.  the sad ending, loved loved loved it.

11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984)–LOVED it - stupid humor at its finest.

12. The Matrix(1999) — okay, i thought all the slow-mo action moves were cool, but any movie where i have to take notes to keep up, not for me.  This is my husband’d fave movie, so of course i’m not going to like it. teehee

13. GoodFellas (1990)  All the cheating ruined this movie for me.

14. Crumb (1995) — never saw it

15. Edward Scissorhands (1990) — I really liked it at the time, but its hard to watch now. Interesting premise.

16. Boogie Nights (1997) Didn’t like it.

17. Jerry Maguire (1996) I might lose some friends here, but I think Tom Cruise is the most overrated actor ever.  It was okay once.

18. Do the Right Thing (1989)  Good, not fantastic.

19. Casino Royale (2006) — didn’t see it
20. The Lion King (1994) — Excellent movie, great storyline,  but I have to skip the “dad trampled by water buffalos” scene, still.  My kids don’t even know that scene exists.

21. Schindler’s List (1993) — Excellent but so sad movie.  Very well done.

22. Rushmore (1998 ) never seen it

23. Memento (2001) – never seen it

24. A Room with a View (1986) — never seen it (i’ll have to borrow this from trish)

25. Shrek (2001) — Ick. while the donkey is hysterical, any movie where you have to fart to get laughs….
26. Hoop Dreams (1994) — never saw this either, but i wanted to
27. Aliens (1986) — A great movie, so scary without being too bloody.
28. Wings of Desire (1988 ) — never even heard of this movie
29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004) — never saw any of these either! I was having babies throughout this time period…

30. When Harry Met Sally… (1989) — Very very cute movie, can watch it over and over.
31. Brokeback Mountain (2005)  Sad movie, wouldn’t see again. 
32. Fight Club (1999) — I really enjoyed this movie but was ok to see it once. (copied Trish)

33. The Breakfast Club (1985) — Loved it in 1985, but hard to enjoy now.
34. Fargo (1996)  Ashamed to say i haven’t seen this yet.

35. The Incredibles (2004) — Cute movie.
36. Spider-Man 2 (2004) — Hated it, and the first one.
37. Pretty Woman (1990) Not a fan. Sorry.
38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) — One of the movies on my “to rent” list.

39. The Sixth Sense (1999) Loved this, but had it figured out after about 15 minutes.
40. Speed(1994) — Cute movie, Keanu is always fun to look at.
41. Dazed and Confused (1993) — Funny movie, wouldn’t buy it.
42. Clueless (1995) — Cute, but knew too many people like that, a little scary.

43. Gladiator (2000) — Excellent movie, hard to watch though.
44. The Player (1992) — didn’t see it
45. Rain Man (1988 ) — Very good movie.
46. Children of Men (2006) — didn’t see it
47. Men in Black (1997) — saw this in a movie theater in St. Louis and everyone was smoking. In between coughing fits, thought it was a cute little movie.
48. Scarface (1983) — good movie, but hard to watch.
49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) — LOVED IT!!!

50. The Piano (1993) — Well, gosh, once he cut her fingers off, I had no interest….
51. There Will Be Blood (2007) — Have had lots of warnings about this movie (I’m a big mush and can’t handle extreme violence). Everyone says it was good.  Still haven’t decided to see it or not.  Thinking maybe the book might be a better option.
52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad(1988 ) — Loved Airplane, Loved the Naked Gun, loved Police Squad the tv series.  LOVE the jokes they try to sneak by you….

53. The Truman Show (1998 ) — Didn’t like it, too sad.
54. Fatal Attraction (1987) Good movie, made a lot of men start thinking about what they do…
55. Risky Business (1983) — I’M THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO HATED THIS DUMB MOVIE.

56. The Lives of Others (2006) — i’ve never even heard of this movie.
57. There’s Something About Mary(1998 ) — HIlarious movie, SO many funny parts…
58. Ghostbusters (1984) — Cute in 1984, okay now. my kids love the song…
59. L.A. Confidential (1997) — didn’t see it.
60. Scream (1996) Have seen bits and pieces of this movie when suffering from insomnia. didn’t seem all that great.
61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984) Cute, still has me saying “here take these bananas” in a gay man voice. Why?

62. sex, lies and videotape (1989) Good movie, haven’t seen it in a long time.

63. Big (1988 ) Really cute movie.

64. No Country For Old Men (2007) — See same comments from “There Will Be Blood”

65. Dirty Dancing (1987) — hated it

66. Natural Born Killers (1994) - saw this movie in a film appreciation class in college, professor explained all the meanings behind it, gave me a new appreciation of the movie and of Oliver Stone.

67. Donnie Brasco (1997) didn’t see it

68. Witness (1985) — Excellent movie.

69. All About My Mother (1999) - never heard of this movie
70. Broadcast News (1987) I had just graduated high school, didn’t see it.

71. Unforgiven (1992) Great movie!

72. Thelma & Louise(1991) — GREAT movie, shows how one little oopsy can snowball…

73. Office Space (1999) — Hilarious movie, we can ALL relate…

74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989)  can’t remember this movie, maybe i saw it…

75. Out of Africa (1985) — Too slow, couldn’t finish it - maybe someday..

76. The Departed (2006) —  didn’t see it

77. Sid and Nancy (1986)  GREAT movie, very interesting.

78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) — Liked it then, can’t watch it now
79. Waiting for Guffman (1996) — haven’t seen it

80. Michael Clayton (2007) — haven’t seen it, but its on the list

81. Moonstruck (1987) Such a cute movie!
82. Lost in Translation (2003) — Another cute movie.
83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987) No thanks.
84. Sideways (2004) — never saw this, although it was highly recommended. maybe not.

85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005) HYSTERICAL
86. Y Tu Mamá También (2002) — didn’t see it

87. Swingers (1996) didn’t see it
88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) Hilarious. Very funny.

89. Breaking the Waves (1996)  didn’t see it
90. Napoleon Dynamite(2004) — i didn’t see this yet - i know, it was that whole childbirth period, i’m still catching up.

91. Back to the Future (1985) — *sigh* again, the only person on the planet who didn’t like it

92. Menace II Society (1993) didn’t see it
93. Ed Wood (1994) didn’t see it

94. Full Metal Jacket (1987)   HATED THIS MOVIE
95. In the Mood for Love (2001) didn’t see it, but i love to sing the song
96. Far From Heaven (2002) didn’t see it (okay, maybe netflix would be a nice christmas gift for me?)

97. Glory (1989) - didn’t see it

98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999) didn’t see it

99. The Blair Witch Project (1999)  Couldn’t believe how stupid this was, last 5 minutes of this crazy movie was the only decent part…

100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999) —  While this is funny, I still cringe at most of it…

The Vacation, aka 16 days with your kids, all 12 of them

Okay so I don’t have 12 kids, but it felt like it.  Okay deep cleansing breath in, slowly exhale…..

I tried so hard not to pack a lot, I really did. but i failed. miserably. so four people and enough luggage for 12 people drove drove drove all the way to smoky california to see mickey mouse and high school buddies.  our first night, we stayed in albuquerque? new mexico. too tired to spell check. will probably suggest i change to “albatross”. it always does that to me. you know, suggest i change to some crazy obscure word. anyways, we really had fun - disneyland was so magical and fun and no one threw up (although i wanted to) and my kids got to learn all about other people and piercings and tattoos since everyone at disneyland including grandmas seemed to have one or both.  gracie made me promise i would never color my hair purple.  i told her i couldn’t promise that, as one never knows what one may do when one turns 40, which is coming soon. then we spent time with my cousin and her family near magic mountain (which is neither magical nor a mountain) and then we drove the 5 hours up to rocklin, near sacramento, to stay with georgie, my dear friend since 9th grade.  we had so much fun talking and watching our children play (and fight).  i have decided that maybe my kids aren’t as physical as they should be. everyone’s kids want to sword fight. mine would rather sit and play barbies and sing.  which is great, because i rarely have to get on to them, but when they are around other kids, they just don’t know how to act.  hm. wonder where they get that from…

i love northern california - if i had my way i would move there in a heartbeat.  so many things to do, places to eat and shop - nearly every street has a sidewalk AND a bike lane!  jim said “everyone here has a nice car!”  i couldn’t bear to tell him its because you aren’t able to pass the smog tests on older cars (without lots of $$ to convert it).   and everything costs so much there. we were in a very nice home which was for sale for $450,000.  would have sold for $225,000 here, probably.  everyone talked about what a great deal that was. we were stunned.  its very hard for a mom to stay home there, without making huge sacrifices. 

the sky was smoky the entire time we were there, because of all the wildfires burning everywhere.  800 plus fires at one time.  but, it was nice to show my family where i was born,where i went to kindergarten, high school, where i got into my first car accident, where i played little league, where i broke my arm, all that stuff.  then i went out to dinner with 5 friends from high school - everyone looks so great, and no one looks 40, i’m glad to report!  We all get along so well, it was just lots of laughs and story telling and updating and hugs and tears.  we all turned out pretty well, i must say.  i keep trying to convince them to come visit me, but the promise of taking them to walmart didn’t seem to lure anyone.  its amazing what everyone’s picture of arkansas is.  and its amazing what they think of california here.  neither is correct, and i think we need a foreign exchange program to bridge the gap.  i’ll go first.

we left california and georgie, even though i didn’t want to, and cried and cried for an hour.  my husband tried to make me feel better by promising i could fly out alone sometime and visit and shop to my heart’s content soon, but it didn’t help.  we went to south lake tahoe, which was beautiful, and decided that would be next year’s vacation destination.  its just 90 minutes from rocklin, so, still trying to placate me, jim said i could invite all my friends to chip in for cabins and we could all stay together up there.  we’ll see - they’re all making payments on $450,000 houses, mind you….

california- no tax on food, pedestrian friendly, health-minded, beautiful nearby fun spots, every store you can imagine, excellent weather, good friends, new cars (threw that in there for the hub), (gasp! did i say hub?  trish!!!), great food.

arkansas - affordable housing & utilities & car registration renewals,  mama deen’s and various other culinary delights, neighbors that are 30 feet away, rather than 5, great churches, occasional snow, lightning bugs, craft fairs, funnel cakes, prayer, eureka springs, frozen custard, high school football.

Oh yeah the vacation story. right. Well, we left Nevada and drove through Utah, and then Wyoming, where we stayed the night.  Wyoming is beautiful, I really would like to explore it someday.  Then we drove down into Colorado, then across Kansas (and i thought arkansas was bad) (sorry, kansans? kansanites? kansassians?) into good old neighboring Oklahoma and into Arkansas during - what else?- a terrible thunder storm. Welcome home, us. 

 

 

jumbled thoughts OR the girl who did too much

Lately, I’ve been seriously trying to figure out what I REALLY want to be when I grow up.  That was grammatically incorrect, but its late and you get the point.  After 17 years of doing something I never intended to do for 17 years, I would like to restart college and actually FINISH this time!  My work history is as follows:  Age 12-14:  Newspaper delivery (which was stinky because it was back in the day when I also had to go around collecting money too!)  And that whole “up at 5am” thing was no fun.  okay stop elaborating and move on Age 15-17 McDonalds.  I had a  BLAST there because all my friends worked there too and it was just non-stop laughing and craziness.  Age 18-22: Telemarketer, Receptionist, Secretary, Payroll Clerk, Retail, Housecleaner - all while going to school to be an EMT.  Time on the job as an EMT after going to all that training?  3 days.  Day 1 - Vietnamese lady who reached under her lawn mower to pull out a branch and cut all her fingers off DURING A PARADE.  (okay, driving an ambulance through a parade ROCKED, i’m sorry)  I think we can all learn a lesson here - never mow your lawn while a parade is scheduled to pass by YOUR house…..wait we’re off track again - oh yeah - Day 2- did nothing but watch cartoons while 6 people slept in recliners for 12 hours - OH but i forgot to say, my job at the aforementioned lawn mower incident was to find and pick up the finger pieces and put them in a baggie of ice.  *doh*  Day 3 - motorcycle vs car - on a hillside - cyclist pinned under the car, i had to lay on the hillside, next to him, and wait for the helicopter to come. had a nice long talk with him, wife was pregnant, he was worried, i reassured him all would be okay. Lifted the car up and he bled out. died right there.   Called my mom and she picked me up from the scene while i threw my gloves and uniform at my supervisor. 

So then a friend told me about her mom’s work, where they needed a receptionist at a Farmers Insurance office in Orangevale, California.  It was $10 an hour and full benefits, which wasn’t that great.  (sorry guys, it was california and 1991) but I took it, and ended up working there for 6 years and tripling my salary, plus big bonuses.    Then I got divorced and moved to Vegas and got a job offer at the MGM Grand, working at their Insurance Dept in the Workers Comp Division, but I didn’t take it - I tookanother Farmers Insurance job, and blah blah blah that’s what I’ve always done, everywhere I’ve moved to I had a great job lined up before I got there.   And now I’m just sick of it.  I know I have so much more potential, but for what?

 I wonder if they still have those tests you can take - like we all took in junior high - that tell you what you’re suited for, professionally.  Please, if you know me (or just WISH you did) please feel free to tell me what YOU think I’d be good at.  besides modeling and rock star.  i mean ENOUGH already people. 

 

finally

“A type of fat that accumulates around the hips and bottom may actually offer some protection against diabetes, U.S. researchers said on Tuesday. “

do i need to say anything at all?

 

storm

 

what a hellish day!  had no idea it was going to do anything beyond rain - waking up at 4am to raging storm sirens is no fun!  i thought it was a nightmare - i threw clothes on, grabbed my kids, and headed to the downstairs bathroom.  we just sat in there and they kept saying “what are we doing?” i said “the storm sirens are going off girls!!” - then gracie said “oh - at least its not the TORNADO sirens, mom”.  I thought - tell her?  or shut up?  isn’t it so so great to be a naive child?  the sounds outside were like nothing i’ve ever heard - poor katie just stayed laying facedown on my legs and never moved or spoke.  gracie and i just prayed and prayed and shook - please Lord, let it pass us, please Lord, don’t let it hurt anyone, over and over…..i prayed for my friend Trish next door, who I knew was probably scared…I prayed for my friends across town, that they would all hear the sirens and take cover and be safe…and this un-explainable desire to keep my girls safe was overwhelming me - i would have thrown my body over them to save them from debris falling on them and hurting them.  I kept thinking it was raining hard, but it was the tornado going RIGHT over us, and touching down just 4 houses from mine.  Huge explosions and then no power, which made us feel so helpless - no way to listen to news reports about where the tornado was.  Then the WORST part of all……

Complete silence.    constant lightning striking, and no thunder, no wind, no rain, no birds chirping, nothing.  I just thought ” okay, this is it” - i was certain we were in the silent eye of the storm, where you hear nothing, then you feel air sucking, then you hear your house blowing apart.  All I could think was “oh mom and dad, i’m so sorry”.  Jim went outside (against my wishes, of course - hey i saw Twister).  He looked around outside for a bit, made sure Trish’s house was there, made sure Meghan and Devin were there, and then came back in - a friend texted him from bentonville, telling him the news said it had cleared Siloam Springs and was spotted in Tontitown.  So then he told us to get out of the bathtub and go to bed???  what is it with men and sleeping after catastrophe???  I sent everyone out, closed the door,  and threw up for an hour….

I have lots of things to say about this - stay tuned….i’m going to go snuggle my kids, watch Darby O’Gill and the Little People, eat popcorn, and THANK GOD.

WHAT????

A study of U.S. high school students provides additional evidence that eating disorders may be contagious.

 

i am hanging out with the WRONG crowd.

Miss Disgruntled

okay i’m in a bad mood.  its lasted about a week.  i almost killed numerous people on tuesday (not all at once - it was various people at various times of the day).  i’m trying to decide if this is “poor little me” syndrome, or pms.  i’m hoping for the latter, i guess.

my schedule through july is out of control. softball ballet vacation. 

although, on a high note, i had the most delicious sushi on wednesday!   you must ALL go to the WOW japanese bistro on dixon, just opened, and you can park for free right at the door -  anyways, the rolls were PHENOMENAL and they lit them on fire - food always tastes better if its brought to your table covered in flames.  at least I think so.  i think my boss only took me there so i would stop making clients angry with my bad mood.  i told one lady that she needed lessons in social skills.  i really said it out loud, not just in my head…

i am tired of the rain.

i am already missing shelly, and she’s not gone yet. 

 

 

 

 

Death, trauma, and sadness

Our household has been filled with sadness the past few days.  My husband is a firefighter in Bentonville, and on Tuesday morning at 2am, in his words he “pulled 5 dead babies out of a burning house”.  Never have I seen my husband wracked with sobbing tears of pain.  It has been so hard to be unable to comfort him.  Of course I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to experience that.  It’s made me cry just to hear the story, I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to see the bodies of the girls.  My dear sweet husband was put on the triage team, which means that, after the bodies were brought out and laid on the ground, he had to make sure they were dead.  I’m sure he was praying with all his heart that a faint heartbeat would be heard, a breath would be taken….it was only after watching the 10:00 news (which I tried to discourage him from watching) that he learned that they were all girls, 5 close-knit sisters that did everything together, including dying.   This hit him even harder, as we have 4 daughters ourselves.  I cannot imagine what it must be like to lose all of your children at once.  I don’t think I could survive it…

I’ve assured him that these girls are frolicking merrily without a care in heaven, enjoying the sunshine, swimming with dolphins, eating all the chocolate they want, and never having to brush their teeth again (this is gracie’s version of heaven).  I know that they have no knowledge of how they died, of their suffering, of their terrible lives up to that point, but none of this is any comfort to my husband now.  He only sees children that suffered and died senselessly. 

Please pray for Jim, as well as the other firefighters and police officers who are suffering still.  Put fresh batteries in your smoke detectors.  Do NOT use space heaters in your home. And hug your babies extra tight tonite. 

PAINTED FLOOR!

I had the most wonderful “homeowner” moment today -

 As many of you know (my peeps) - my front room is covered in lovely decades-old linoleum glue spots - it’s going to be ALL the rage soon, and you will ALL want it - I’m starting a trend….I hate carpet, and have been removing it little by little over the last 3 years - WELL, today I was just sitting on the floor, picking off chunks of lineoleum glue spots, (what, me? no social life?)  when I pulled back the edge of the carpet to my dining room, and found WHITE PAINTED HARD WOOD FLOOR!!!  I screamed with delight at my find!  No lineoleum! No glue!  I was so so happy!  Even though the rest of the family was getting ready to go out shopping and to dinner, I said “wait! let’s take a vote! shopping or we tear this carpet out right now!!”  all the girls voted “tear out the carpet!!” all the boys rolled their eyes…

my girls and i and the reluctant boy tore that ugly disgusting stained carpet out, and discovered a perfectly painted white floor underneath - the only nicks were made when we (and when i say “we” i mean Jim) tore out those horrific tack strips they NAILED to my beautiful hardwood floors.   i must admit i always cringe when i see them paint a hardwood floor on one of the MANY shows i watch on remodeling, but i think the realization that there was no lineoleum glued down made them much more appealing to me. in fact, i think i just might paint the girls’ bedroom floor too - i could actually attempt a pattern on it - something girly perhaps.  this is a big house, and maybe i need some painted floors to break up the monotony of EVERY floor being stained hardwood…besides, painted floors need to just be stripped and sanded and stained to bring them back to life. (that’s all, just stripped and sanded and stained - LOL)

Also, I found a little iron table and two chairs for $20 at a flea market - needs a little work, but will be pretty in a corner of my back yard when restored.  I’m so so excited!   I’m finally loving my house, it took long enough!